This is a warm bodied tea that leans toward being naturally sweet, hinting at the crispness of almond.  The flavor, like so many things Asian, is very delicate and subtle, and it can vary quite a bit or be totally destroyed by steeping times and loading it down with sweeteners.

It’s also a semi-oxidized tea which puts it somewhere between a green and a black tea.

It’s hard for me to give an unbiased review here because I grew up with this tea.  Oolong, Earl Grey, and Jasmine were my favorites as a kid.  My dad would give me oolong if I over-ate, saying it relaxes the walls of the stomach and eases tummy aches.

This tea is naturally caffeinated, and when Twinings lists the ingredients that list is very short.

It contains:  Oolong Tea

Nothing else.

This tea tastes like dirt.

I’ve tried to like it.  Several times now I’ve brewed it up, putting lemon in it, putting various sweeteners in it, etc.  No matter how I change the taste, the underlying current of dirt water lies beneath.

"Fast Lane" is a "high-energy caffeinated black tea with eleuthero" which is something that reindeer supposedly love to eat.  According to a chart on the side of the box, the caffeine jolt this is supposed to give lies somewhere in between drip coffee and a double espresso.

But it still tastes like dirt.

I think the dirt flavor I’m tasting is actually the ground up cinnamon and nutmeg they’ve added into the mix to, oh — wild guess here — cover up the horrid taste of the eleuthero.  I’m guessing this because other common names for this herb is "touch-me-not" and "devil’s shrub," which doesn’t put it into a very good light.  You would think that an herb that tastes good would be named something more positive, rather than sounding like a additive your local hedge witch might use to poison mice.

To be fair, eleuthero — often referred to as "Siberian ginseng" in the US — does have redeeming medical qualities, such as helping to support the adrenal gland function when the body is challenged by stress, as well as enhancing mental acuity and physical endurance without the letdown that comes with caffeine.  Research has also shown that eleuthero improves the use of oxygen by exercising muscles, which would mean that you should be able to maintain aerobic exercise longer and recover from workouts more quickly.

If true, maybe that would make up for the fact that the stuff tastes like dirt.

According to the Celestial Seasonings website, Fast Lane Tea contains these ingredients:  Black tea, cinnamon, eleuthero, licorice, natural flavors (contains soy lecithin), caffeine, cola and nutmeg.

HER: Aromatic with a sharp citric flavor. It’s tealicious.

HIM: “Tealicious?”  I like that.

HER:  It’s post orgasmically refreshing.

HIM:  You mean it would be good after…

HER:  It would also be excellent on a cold day with a spot honey in it.  Especially to soothe a sore throat or a flu.

HIM:  I just plain like it.  It surprised me how much I like this one.  It’s such a simple flavor but they do it so well.  Much better than any other lemon teas I’ve tried.  The lemon flavor is bold but not overpowering.

HER:  Like I said, it’s tealicious.

HIM:  And groovy.

HER:  Very groovy.

According to the Celestial Seasonings website, Lemon Zinger contains these ingredients: Hibiscus, rosehips, roasted chicory, orange peel, West Indian lemongrass, lemon peel and whole dried lemons, natural lemon flavor with other natural flavors (contains soy lecithin) and citric acid.  It’s gluten free and naturally caffeine-free.

This is a herbal tea that is sweet even without sweetener.  Which is how She prefers it.  He still adds a bit to his because, well, he has a sweet tooth.

HIM:  Extremely fruity.  I can’t put my finger on exactly which fruit, though.  It’s not a grape taste.  More like blackberries.

HER:  It has a sharp citric smell to it.  Very nice.  Aromatic.

HIM:  The flavor has shadows of Juicyfruit Gum.  Also shadows of wine - there’s a slight, but pleasant, tannin tang.

HER:  It tastes like hot, very strong black current.  Like Ribena warmed up.

HIM:  Yes, it tastes more like a hot fruit drink than a tea.  It’s quite yummy.

HER:  I think it’s groovy.

HIM:  I think it’s very groovy.  I think it would taste good iced, too.

HER:  Iced tea is an abomination.

HIM:  You only say that because you’re British.

HER:  I say it because it’s the truth.  Tea is to be enjoyed hot.  When it’s cold, you throw it away.

According to the Celestial Seasonings website, Wild Berry Zinger contains these ingredients: Hibiscus; rosehips; roasted chicory; orange peel; blackberry leaves; natural flavors of black raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, red raspberries, cranberries and cherries; citric acid and natural flavors (contains soy lecithin).

We start our reviews with this tea as, as She says, this is “real tea.”  It is the tea by which all other teas are measured.  According to Her.

He agrees because he knows She knows what she’s talking about.

NOTE - This is not the American version of Tetley Tea.  The closest thing you’ll find in the USA is “Tetley British Blend” and while it’s close, it’s not quite the same.  It will do, however, in a pinch.

HER:  In England this is known simply as “tea.”  It’s black tea with no Orange Pekoe.

HIM:  It’s very smooth and refined.

HER:  It’s hot, too.

HIM:  (He blows on it, and then slurps.)

HER:  (She laughs at his subhuman table manners.)

HIM:  It tastes like tea cookies.

HER:  Tea cookies?

HIM:  They’re oriental.

HER:  (She sips)  You know, when you drink tea, you can literally feel the stress leaving your body.

HIM:  (Tasting again)  I detect hints of walnut amid a very refined black tea tang.

HER:  My way [with milk] is better than your way.  It’s more traditional.

HIM:  I like it my way [black with sweetener] because it tastes like a cookie.

HER:  It’s definitely a groovy tea.  Way groovy - with milk and no sweetener.

HIM:  Groovy even without milk, but it needs sweetener.

According to the Tetley.co.uk website, this tea has three main components:

• Assam from India for body and strength
• African for the distinctive taste and red colour
• Ceylon for a smooth refreshing finish